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| Hi its saturday. Exams will start on monday :/ im scaredddddddddddddd. My brain has decided to shut down and ignore me. So all the best to me haha. Im so sick of studying and preparing for exams. I just wanna get over and done with it so badly. Like just talking about it makes me :/ blegh. 2nd Dec come soooooon!
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| Hates exams. I wanna sleep forever. Why must i wake up and continue studyingggg. Dies.
My nose is killing me once again. But i can't rest cos i need to studyyyy. Although i slept for like 3 hours :) Happy child i am. Temporarily.
Oh and i've been having the "die i need to shit" feeling everyday. I think i shitted like twice everyday for the past 3 days? hahahah omg.
okok bye.
i need to stop playing icy tower
so addictive but it gives me headache. and i SUCK at it :(
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| I'm lying on my bed thinking about everything right now, and i can't help but to feel extremely disappointed in ashley, myself and our relationship. After everything, he says he still loves me and wants to be with me, but i don't feel anything at all. I know he said he will try his best to win me back as a friend first but i don't see him trying. So far, the most he has done for me is walk 2 blocks from home to meet me when i asked him to. This isn't winning me back. This is barely anything at all. Where is the apology i deserve? He cheated on me, and walking 2 blocks for me twice, having dinner with me once and canceling on me twice last minute is the best he can do? I want him to do something so fucking big for me that i can't say no to. Something so big it makes me cry and forget all the bad things he has ever done to me. Something that shows me that I actually mean something to him and losing me is the last thing he wants. But no, I don't see that happening and that is the part that sucks the most (after all the lying and cheating).
Throughout our entire relationship, I've never once said no to him drinking or clubbing. Not once. Other than the time after I found out about the Debby thing. But I took it back because I thought he learnt his lesson. Everytime I would ask how his drinking or clubbing night went and whether there were other girls or not. Each time he replied no and reassured me there was never another girl. And he used to say that I'm overly paranoid and I would ruin our relationship with that. Thats why I learnt to trust him and believed he would be faithful. I've never doubted him and his words, but now I feel so so so so so stupid. There wasn't just Debby, that wasn't one time. There were many and she was just one that I found out. Until now. I feel so hurt and betrayed, but he doesn't understand. He can't feel what I feel. Because if he did, he would be doing more than walking 2 blocks and asking me out for dinner. Forget about the Valetine's present and birthday present he owes me from 2008. Forget about my birthday present this year. He always said he will get it for me one day. But all those don't matter. This time, he says he will do something to earn my forgiveness, to win my heart back. Yet all's been done is walking 2 blocks, quick dinner at j8 and couple of smses. This is just unacceptable. He thinks by talking to me as if nothing happened will make everything normal. He thinks sms-ing me is showing me that he is trying. He thinks by saying he will do something to win me back is going to make me feel better. But no, no and no, thats not gonna happen. Not until he does something to make me stop hurting. And i want it now if i could. The next damn moment if i could.
And in case anyone needs a reminder,
This is how he cheated on me. And all he can do is say he is sorry.
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| Fuck life fuck school fuck boys
Relationships are just
one
big
fuckin
LIE
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| i shall update properly now :)
so anyway life is boring, other than my birthday and wanting's birthday in a few days time. but somehow birthday celebrations are different this year. without the "formal" group meet up to do the planning and the delegation of work. you and you go buy this, you and you go buy that etc etc. also the missing familiar faces. who are here in spirit yes? hahah. but celebration was good anyway. just different.
oh even though marcus smsed me like sorry he'll be late and stuff, i didnt think there was a surprise party for me. i just thought he was crazy. hahah kiddin. i was in such a hurry i just read e sms then threw my phone aside and got ready then ran out of e house. sorry people who waited! :/
had awesome dinner at the restaurant Ashley and i celebrated our first valentines :) i think i love the place more now haha. and thanks everyone for being there :) sorry for not being a better host cos i didnt manage to talk to everyone properly. sorriex :/ well, then 2 a.m. dessert bar, where we didn't order anything. except marskong.com who treated us to some champagne and some dessert. then butter! :D (stoops trang didn't join us) assssss. we just kept taking drinks from dom's table hahah. smart we are. awesome awesome night in general.
then sunday i was suppose to have dinner with family, but they decided not to. my mum was like "oh papa and i are going out later so lets cut the cake now (afternoon when i just got up)" so okayyyyy lets not have a nice dinner and all. but i went for dinner with trang, schwaz, saachi, momo berry and scott. hey saachi if you read this, thanks for the dinner! :) and scott, eh dont think u'll ever read this but thanks haha. i was thinking of buyin e dessert but scott was too good at slipping his card to the waitress. so yea then went over to ashley's home to celebrate the last minutes of my birthday. quite a nice way to end my day :) i love you guys <3 and videos on my fb wall definitely made me smile :)
so erm i shall post some pictures. as if there isnt enough on fb haha
 
oh look who's smokin
slutface!
Cute Christie Chan (CCC)
ib boys
marskong.com
awwwwww shaun ang
:)
stupid trang who didn't want to go in
my sugirl
closest picture i have of her sexy firm ass
just look at the gangsta at e back yo
realise i didn't take any pictures on sunday night. should have! :( nevermind memories will be sitting in my mind haha
big big heart for all of you
xoxo
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